“I’m not being attacked by a bear”

Our brains can be like high-tech security systems—constantly scanning for threats and primed to protect us. This defense mode is incredibly efficient, flipping the switch to “fight or flight” mode the second it detects danger. When it kicks in, our body starts getting ready for action: heart racing, muscles tensing, and maybe even feeling a little queasy. This is the brain’s way of saying, “Get outta here!” and the system works until we’ve either fought off the danger or run far enough to feel safe again. And that’s a win for survival.

The hiccup, though, is that our brain is so dedicated to protecting us, it often gets a little too enthusiastic. It doesn’t always distinguish between a life-or-death bear encounter and the stress of a looming work deadline. So, when discomfort hits—whether it’s sadness, stress, or a bad case of “ugh”—our brain might treat it like we’re about to be mauled. But here’s the thing: we’re not in actual danger! It’s more like our brain’s autopilot is still stuck in the “run from the bear” mode when we just need to sit with a little discomfort. This is where we can help. By increasing awareness of when the survival mode is triggered, we can ground ourselves in the present with practices like Box Breathing or my personal favorite, 5 Senses.

Now, here’s the fun part: we can also teach our brain to get used to discomfort. I know, it doesn’t sound like fun, but it’s a game changer. The more we let ourselves experience uncomfortable emotions without panicking, the more our brain gets used to them and doesn’t hit the “survival” button every time. This is where the magic of Acceptance and Commitment Therapy’s (ACT) “Expansion” practice comes in.

Think of ACT as a GPS for your brain, helping you steer through life’s twists and turns without overreacting every time you hit traffic. At the same time, it’s also about fine-tuning your brain’s built-in security system, so it’s better equipped to recognize when there’s real danger—when it’s time to pay attention and act accordingly. Expansion is like learning to ride a bike with no hands—at first, the wobbles might feel like you’re about to fall off, but with practice, you realize you don’t have to grip the handlebars so tightly. You can keep your balance, even when things feel a little shaky.

The goal is to train your brain to distinguish between actual danger and ordinary discomfort. By practicing mindfulness and expanding our tolerance for uncomfortable emotions, we teach our brain that we can handle these moments without needing to automatically go into crisis mode. When we learn to sit with discomfort—whether it’s stress, sadness, or frustration—we’re actually strengthening our ability to respond mindfully when something does require our full attention. In other words, we want our security system to stay sharp, but also to trust ourselves enough to know when to ease up, so we’re not caught off guard or constantly on edge. And when real danger does come, you can trust that your brain will be ready to act accordingly.

So, the next time you’re feeling uncomfortable, take a moment to check in with yourself—are you facing a bump in life’s road, or is there a bear lurking up ahead? In most cases, it’s probably just a bump, not a bear!